I had intended to publish the email between the Chief Medical Officer and me where he states his hospital will indeed honor my request to pay for the funeral expenses.   I am holding off putting it out as people who care about me tell me I may get into legal trouble.  To be honest, I appreciate this counsel yet it also makes me mad.  Gratitude can be mixed with anger....I am not making anything up, not trying to create trouble for my personal gain.  I am tired, feel like a piece of burnt toast when it comes to what happened to my mother-in-law.  I just want to prevent my father-in-law from getting emotionally punched again.

I called the controller of the funeral home yesterday and learned Swedish refused payment, many times.  Now, I have learned John Hassle has left Swedish.  Come on.... 

I am tired.  I am writing this while sitting bedside with her husband, who is in ICU.  I only have so many gears.   

I also know what I experienced the night of her death was trauma.  It is hard for me to get drawn back.  To me, this bill going unpaid or worse being somehow rejected is another example of things falling through the cracks or worse; a decision by Swedish Hospital that the pain and suffering for the widower (and me!) is worth not having to pay the funeral bill or have it on their books.  I don't know.   

I have emails of a promise for funeral expenses as well as a promise to receive results from a full investigative report.   Neither promise met.  Seems many rungs below Extraordinary Caring....

I want to know what changes have been made to the care system.  Was there ruthless honesty in the analysis?  I am sure it was traumatic for the nurses and medical staff who found her hanging and tried in vain to revive her.   Were they capable of sharing what they didn't do, questions they didn't ask, explanations and reassurance not given, actions that didn't measure up to the placard Extraordinary Care, Extraordinary Caring?  

Maybe this unpaid bill was the spirit of my mother-in-law saying there is more mending to be done?